Friday, March 6, 2009
I have been buying a lot of sewing machines. I have three here at the house right now. I have been owner of a Kenmore, a Singer, another Kenmore, a Domestic, A giant monstrosity from the fifties and a Husqvarna. I gave away the first Kenmore to a friend when I bought the Singer, then realized the singer was a piece of shit. That sewing machine was unfortunate to be smashed to bits with the maul. Bought another Kenmore it was a good sewing machine but it broke. Found the domestic, a nice little two tone blue and white number. Got it working but it would barely sew through a paper towel. Next there was the seventy pound giant. It sews through anything and everything, but it can't hem pants. Today I found the Husqvarna. It is a Swedish chainsaw manufacturer. I figured I couldn't go wrong. I Just need to figure out where to pour the gasoline.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Does dust go away? When I dust, it seems just to knock the dust into the air. It settles later evenly over the items that I dusted previously. What is the purpose for dust? Is it a reminder that I need to rub my belongings with a soft lint-free cloth? Why? Could there be an alternative fuel source there?
There must be a way to eliminate it permanently: Flash grenades, a sudden vortex, Tesla coil. I would try anything to eliminate dust. A morally questionable robot would be fine. I don't really care whose toes get stepped on as long as the dust pays! After defeating dust, my robot and I would begin to confront my other nemeses. Preferably zombies en masse, but hard water stains would be another opportunity for said robot to showcase it's merciless disdain for all things soap scum and possibly a knack for being a terrific marimbist.
I realize that A dust killing robot might cause dust mites as a whole to experience a sudden and dramatic famine. It could lead to the simple dust mite becoming a horrific carnivore devouring our living flesh! NOOOO! Dust! Come back!!! Save us! We beg you to once again be the food source from which our new masters previously snacked.
Never again will I doubt the noble purpose of dust. How could have I been so blind?
I know what your thinking, "Eventually the robot will realize that I caused all the soap scum, I caused the grease spatters on the wall. Even the dust, my nemesis, is my own epidermis floating harmlessly onto my household knick knacks.
Who could blame a robot who his whole life was "destroy this" or "eliminate that" to eventually conclude that the most efficient way to eradicate the enemies it was set upon is to snuff it at the source. Nip it in the bud as it were. The dust mites, a formidable foe when you are a walking buffet, would stand no chance against the metal hide of a well made robot.
So much for my new allies.
I would have to turn to my other nemesis. Rust. We would join forces temporarily to defeat the filth hating robot, but I know that rust can not be trusted. After what it did to the tailgate of my Volvo, or how it seemed to metastasize in my jeep...I am just waiting for you to turn your back.
Rust...
Meet my rust hating robot...
1
There must be a way to eliminate it permanently: Flash grenades, a sudden vortex, Tesla coil. I would try anything to eliminate dust. A morally questionable robot would be fine. I don't really care whose toes get stepped on as long as the dust pays! After defeating dust, my robot and I would begin to confront my other nemeses. Preferably zombies en masse, but hard water stains would be another opportunity for said robot to showcase it's merciless disdain for all things soap scum and possibly a knack for being a terrific marimbist.
I realize that A dust killing robot might cause dust mites as a whole to experience a sudden and dramatic famine. It could lead to the simple dust mite becoming a horrific carnivore devouring our living flesh! NOOOO! Dust! Come back!!! Save us! We beg you to once again be the food source from which our new masters previously snacked.
Never again will I doubt the noble purpose of dust. How could have I been so blind?
I know what your thinking, "Eventually the robot will realize that I caused all the soap scum, I caused the grease spatters on the wall. Even the dust, my nemesis, is my own epidermis floating harmlessly onto my household knick knacks.
Who could blame a robot who his whole life was "destroy this" or "eliminate that" to eventually conclude that the most efficient way to eradicate the enemies it was set upon is to snuff it at the source. Nip it in the bud as it were. The dust mites, a formidable foe when you are a walking buffet, would stand no chance against the metal hide of a well made robot.
So much for my new allies.
I would have to turn to my other nemesis. Rust. We would join forces temporarily to defeat the filth hating robot, but I know that rust can not be trusted. After what it did to the tailgate of my Volvo, or how it seemed to metastasize in my jeep...I am just waiting for you to turn your back.
Rust...
Meet my rust hating robot...
1
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